Trashley: Part Seven

SMEG

Ashley’s “wife” found me on Instagram and Twitter, where she told me she was eight months pregnant, and accused Ashley of lying about her identity. Days earlier, I’d posted an article on Medium about what it was like to date a Theoretical Physicist, and somehow Cecelia had stumbled across it. I was caught in the middle of something I didn’t understand. I know I’m blonde and tall and have side chick energy, but this wasn’t what I’d signed up for when I started dating Ashley.

Cecelia made some pretty big accusations: Ashley wasn’t a Physicist. They lived in Minnesota, and Ashley never went to MIT.

But if Ashley didn’t get her doctorate at MIT, I didn’t understand why her own Mom wore MIT sweatshirts around the house, or why she introduced Ashley to her co-workers as a professor​​.

I was on a night hike when I saw the messages from Cecelia. I left early and went home to confront Ashley. Before we could even have a conversation, she went ballistic. I knew this would be a whole thing, so I poured myself a tequila on the rocks. Actually, I made it a double.

Going on a hike with my trusty steed, Perci. Taken a few hours before my mind was blown.

Ashley screeched, “Cecelia’s a liar! I did go to MIT! I am a physicist! She’s trying to get you to break up with me. She’ll do everything she can to ruin our relationship! And you fucking believe her!” She began furiously packing her bags.