Member-only story
I Was Tricked Into Snorting Cocaine
Never trust a person who asks you to smell their mirror.
My parents made me play sports growing up, even though I’ve always been more of a tortured artist with a flare for dramatics. I was on the Swim team, the Volleyball team, and the Softball team in my hometown of Fairbanks, Alaska. I was always being told, “You’re so tall; I bet you play basketball.” Hell no, and don’t give my parents any ideas. There’s so much I hate about basketball; the sound of sneakers on the court, elbow jabs to the face, gymnasium lighting, and dribbling a ball while running. The only thing I have in common with basketball is traveling.
The one sport I hated more than all the other ones was swimming. In High School, we had two practices a day; once at six in the morning and again right after school got out. I always prayed someone would shit in the pool, and we’d get to go home early. Alaskan pools are exceptionally frigid, it didn’t matter if it was forty below zero outside or a balmy twenty above, the water was always cold.
I’m a talker, and swimming is not a sport for extroverts, storytellers, or social butterflies. I get my words in the same way people get their steps in. If I don’t say at least forty-thousand words a day, then I am not living my purpose. I need to talk, which is why swimming wasn’t good for me. How am I going to get my words in if…
